She was sitting in front of me, holding back her tears, composed and calm, looking at her six months old daughter. Her life changed all of a sudden when she was told that her husband is martyred in the north-west of the country. She is no more a wife of a soldier but a widow of a martyred.
It was not an unusual day or any unusual news, when I heard few soldiers were martyred in Bannu but what made it unexpected for me, was to learn that one of them was the guy I used to know once, a cousin of one of my friends and a husband of another. Young deaths are always hard for me to handle, and this made me sad because I have known the family for a long time and that girl for more than twenty years.
The ongoing war on terror is costing our countrymen more than they deserve. The rising numbers of civilian and military deaths, disappeared people and a shattered economy is adding to the lives’ miseries. Apart from civilian deaths, more than 2000 Pakistani soldiers are martyred or injured till now, which shows that more than 2000 families suffered. Pak army is often criticized over their involvement in politics or taking maximum advantages of all resources in the country but we miss the point they are the ones who are always in the danger of being targeted by the terrorists.
Their widows and children need more than monetary help to deal with these emotional loses. It is important for the women to communicate with other women who are going through the same struggles and need long time to grieve. None of them had thought to become a military widow in their twenties or thirties but not many people understand this. It would be good if these women try to be together and spend time with the ones who are familiar with this distress.
Young Military Widows
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I have often thought about this dilemma. About what it really means to be a soldier and then, in the modern world, to be so resented for trying to be political.
Of course, Pakistan’s military has some very dodgy activities going on around the country but that doesn’t mean that the young men that die, do so in vain. They will always be remembered, I hope, for the great service and duty they provide and not in any negative light.
And I get what you mean when you say that this news struck you the most out of all the others just like this one because this one is closer to home. That’s been precisely the problem for most of us, including me and you (correct me if I’m wrong), that we’ve been living apathetic lives for a very long time and all the chaos and mayhem so far has seemed very impersonal. Lately, however, the people of Pakistan have started getting more kicks that seem to be shaking us out of apathy. Like Salman Taseer’s assassination/murder, Raymod Davis’ case and recently Shehbaz Bhatti.
These news are regular these days but it was the first time that i experienced something like this closely and it occupied my mind for few days.
Though we have seen decline in the number of suicide attacks but other incidents like killings of Salman Taseer, Shahbaz Bhatti over blasphemy laws and Raymond Davis case are the highlights of the year and opened new debates.
I really feel pain for those martyrs and their widows. Closure of chapter of life in such an unexpected way hurts intensely at an age when people are in their prime. May these widows find a peaceful and constructive way to pass their life. Aameen
Thanks for your comment Shahid. It changes lives of many but not in a good way.
This is an extremely important issue. Thanks for writing about it.
Thanks for your comment, but we can see no organization helping these women (psychologically) in the country.
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Heart rending. My heart goes out to that girl who has a long way ahead with her daughter. Honestly, Mariam being pro war I tend to shun the thoughts you have highlighted in this write up. However, that’s because that I don’t know any anyone personally who has been through it. So you know, proximity plays a vital role to escalate your sensitivity.
But after reading this write up, it hit me that may be we sitting at home, inking pages on how this war is much needed, do not have any idea about those who are actually AT war.
Having said that, perhaps its about time who are anti war, realized that our soldiers who are fighting to protect us, need encouragement and not lashing out. Its a disrespect to all those soldiers who martyred protecting us, to doubt their credibility.
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Extremely well written. keep it up.
//But after reading this write up, it hit me that may be we sitting at home, inking pages on how this war is much needed, do not have any idea about those who are actually AT war.
You are right Abida. Wars always gives us destruction, deaths and in the end civilians who loose their limbs, hands, arms etc. as a result of hitting land mines.
//our soldiers who are fighting to protect us, need encouragement and not lashing out.
I know few people who do not even consider our soldiers as shaheed.Most of us have no idea in what conditions their families and they are living in. There was a blast in an army mosque last year where the children of these army men were also among the victims.
Extremely important yet very less discussed issue. We need to discuss it more and more. Thumbs up to you.
Thanks Maria for agreeing and commenting here.
Every country has an army but in Pakistan the army has a country. So the guy copped it protecting his property. People die for lot less so what’s all the fuss about.
If you are grieving about a human life, I’m with you but why pick on a soldier’s death. Everyday people die on the streets, innocent to the core, but victims of a grand plan (‘strategic depth’ where have I heard that) hatched by those in the saddle. Had he lived long enough, who knows what misery he may have brought upon Pakistan.
You are talking about army as an institution, but I talked about someone I knew. We all feel sad when we hear about deaths and more about young deaths. It was sad for me to hear someone dying and leaving a young widow, six months old daughter and an unborn child behind.
Thank you for this thought provoking post. Having recently taken off my shoes after some three decades and seen comrades falling. We feel for the woes of the families, the lone widow and her children. But let me state here that Army never forgets those who are martyred and their families are looked after very well. Although those gone cannot come back, but what all is humanly possible by the army is being done.
It is sad to find people criticizing Army, but may I only say that it is because of the fallen that we are having full night sleeps. I salute my comrades who laid down their lives when they were still young, lively and energetic for their dear country Pakistan. I also salute those widows and their children who have to endure the loss.
I also salute people like Mariam raising issues that are thoughtful and worth pondering.
Thank you for your comment. You are right, army takes care of the families of their men, but may be they need more than monetary help to deal with this emotional loss.
An important issue you brought up here… A lot of negative propaganda being spread against the armed forces these days…. who put themselves in the line of fire every day so that thousands of lives can be saved…. I’ve even seen the widow of a young Major who was martyred in the northern areas, telling her only son to follow his father’s footsteps and join the army…. Such women are truly the pride of our country!